Top 7 Drunk and Alcoholic Related Episodes as a Kid

Submitted by on Tuesday, July 8, 200816 Comments

These episodes reflect only a small glimpse into my alcoholic past as a kid; Episodes of drunken debauchery or alcoholic misconduct that jumped into my head as soon as I began writing. These are by no means my worst drunkenly imbibed feats of idiocy, just the ones I feel I can safely share without too much of a backlash onto my self-esteem. ;) OH…and if you think this is just some good old-fashioned ‘drinking fun’… Keep reading. There’s a link to the story of my alleged alcoholic rehab (that was really a cult) at 15 in here somewhere.

Let the Kid Alcoholic Tomfoolery Begin

#1. I stole my Mom’s car when I was 14 or 15 when I was in a semi blackout drunk.

Even worse, my sister was with me and so was my best friend.It was around 2:00 am and I thought it was a good idea to take a drive. Let’s see… I ran some red lights, stopped at some green ones, drove into a ditch and amazingly found my way back home anyway.

This article is Rated R - Minors do not try any of this and ask your parents or guardians permission before reading this. Contains alcoholic tomfoolery and drunken escapades not safe for anyone much less minors.

Mom thought she’d busted me the next morning when she collected my purse from the car. A hungover me came to and couldn’t find my purse. I drunkenly and hungover-edly [hungover-edly?] walked past her in the kitchen, out the front door – looking very deliberate like I knew what I was doing – and checked the car thoroughly. My purse was gone! I walked back inside and went straight to my Mom – having no idea how I was going to get out of this one…

“Have you seen my purse?” She looked mildly amused, “No. Why?” Me: “Well I left it in the car, it turns out, when you dropped us off at Christine’s last night.” She looked thoughtful for a second, “Now that you mention it, you didn’t take it with you did you?” Me. “No. I accidentally left it in the car.” Her. “Oh honey… I thought maybe you’d taken the car in the middle of the night or something…” She went and fetched my purse. Me. “God Mom. You’re so funny.”

#2. When I was a minor, my friends and I would steal beer from convenience stores.

I have never been a thief [by trade or hobby] or a kleptomaniac…you know “needing” to steal for the thrill or joy of it. I tried to buy my beer, wine coolers or liquor, but when 21 yr olds weren’t available or we didn’t feel like selling out to the perverted men who would have gladly done it, we resorted to stealing. Here’s how we did it. [Yeah. I’m telling all the secrets of the alcoholics in training aren’t I? ]

We’d decide who was going to be the distraction before we went in. [It had to be a man behind the counter or we’d choose a different store.] I was usually the chosen distraction because I could flirt better and because I was a weenie when it came to shoplifting. [But sometimes I was the thief.]

Going in at different times so as to not look like we were together, the flirter/distractor would catch the attention of the clerk and make eye contact and ask stupid questions and hint as to what he was doing after work. The shoplifting friends would be in back shoveling beers into the over-sized bags they’d smuggle in. I wouldn’t quit flirting until my friends were safely back out the door…meantime insuring the clerk was not looking in that direction.

After maybe 3 or 5 more minutes, I’d either take his number, offer a fake number, or give some other vague promise, and leave.

#3. I was put into rehab at age 15.

Easily the worst 48 hours of my underage drinking, I got home and remember only bits and pieces of the entire day and night. I had blood on my arm and apparently – according to them – I told them I’d been hanging out with Don Johnson. They looked in the yearbook and there was no Don Johnson.

I don’t remember the trip to the E.R. but I do remember becoming combative. Flash forward an attempt to leave the hospital. Flash forward to waking up in my own bed the next morning.

Off to rehab I went and would stay for a few months. My BAL was apparently off the charts which is why this would be the #1 blackout episode of my life. Going to this place would be the worst episode – bar none – of my entire life.

#4. When I was 11, I drank screwdrivers [vodka and orange juice] and smoked the butts of my Mom’s discarded cigarettes as I practiced my mandatory piano lessons.

I actually started drinking – but not regularly – when I was in the 6th grade but didn’t get really drunk out of my mind and decided I liked it until I was 13. There was something so seemingly sophisticated about having a screwdriver and smoking stale butts from the ashtray as I practiced my piano lessons. After a long hard day at the 6th grade… well.

#5. I was 9 or 10 when I popped the top off a beer from the fridge.

Old beer can top and how, after I popped it, I tried to cover my tracks!The beer was my 1st step-dad’s beer and he drank a beer once in a blue moon. Back then the caps on the beer can were pull-offs. There was no un-doing it once you pulled it off. So here I am a little alcohol addict at 9 or 10 with a 9 or 10 year old brain that could not look past getting the top off. You think I’m making these things up. I assure you; No I’m not. Here’s what happened…

Parents weren’t home. That beer had been calling out to me for days. I remember. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I may have been practically a baby, but my alcoholic tendencies were already keeping up with every other growth spurt I was prone to.

So I’m thinking to myself and thinking hard. “I’ll only have one sip; I swear! No one will ever know.” I popped the top off. “Uh oh.” I remember at that moment knowing I was in big trouble! To this day, although I remember everything else, I still cannot remember if I had become so panic-stricken that I knew I better NOT drink it, or if I eventually did take a drink anyway, knowing I was doomed either way. I put the top back on top of the now-opened beer can and went about like nothing happened.

That would be the night, naturally, my Dad would want his beer. So he called me and my sister into the kitchen and asked who opened the beer. We both denied it. I denied it and had no problem lying because I knew if I ever admitted it, I was getting in big trouble! In the back of my mind I knew if I could just stick with the lie, he’d forget all about it.

I don’t remember how it came to be that my conscience started bothering me. I don’t remember if he began asking all the time and the more times he did, the more times I had to lie…or what. But one night I wrote a letter and told him I did it. I told him I was sorry I lied. I told him a lot of things I no longer remember but I do remember the sorrow for lying to him that had stayed with me in the pit of my stomach.

I called out, “Daddy! Here’s a note!” as I threw the note down the stairs to where he was. Then I promptly went to hide in my parents’ bedroom closet. [I just knew I was going to get a whipping!] Then I heard it! The creaking banisters that meant he was coming upstairs! “Oh God!” He was slow and deliberate and heavy.

After arriving up the stairs, he called me in his booming voice, “Samsara!” I didn’t move. No way. No way! I didn’t sign up for this. I just wanted to come clean so my conscience would leave me alone. Maybe he’ll go away if I squeeze my eyes shut! “Samsara!” He is not going to leave. The realization hit me and then I grew petrified. I had no choice. I was out of options. I had to go to him.

I walked down the hall slowly and he watched me. He was standing there, not moving and watching me walk slowly. As soon as I got to him, I looked up at him. For maybe 4 seconds he looked down at me and then he hugged me.

It’s been one of my best memories ever. I lied. He hugged me.

#6. I was so drunk I thought the stuff on the bathroom floor was Coke Slurpee.

This is what a Coca Cola Slushee or Slurpee looks likeUh. Yeah. No, I didn’t drink it. Who drinks stuff from the bathroom floor? Anyway…I think it was the culmination of the events that I remember most. Naturally, it involved my being drunk. Here’s what happened…

My sister and I had been out to a party the night before the “coke slushee” incident. I wanted to stay and continue my drink on. Kshama did not. She wanted to go home. She implored me to come on. [We were sharing the car our Mom gave us.] I told her to go on and I’d get a ride. Long drunken Jerry Springer story made shorter, I wanted to fight. She kicked my drunken ass. I felt no pain so I kept trying to bring her back down. In the end, she got in the car and left.

I drank some more and got a ride home. When I got home, Mom and sis were gone. An hour or so later they got home. Turned out they went to go find me. My face looks like I’ve just had my behind kicked and Mom is telling me how Kshama’s hair is still coming out. [Am I seriously supposed to have sympathy for this? My boyfriend had started calling her Tyson as a result of the marks she put on my face!]

Feeling like dog-shit, once again, a feeling not unfamiliar in my drunken life, I decided to end it. I swallowed a lot of pills, attempted a suicide note but couldn’t decide on one that didn’t sound pathetic, got scared I actually would die and called 9-1-1. Got scared they’d send an ambulance and wake my family up, I hung up on them. They called back. “Shit!” I answered and whispered, “Hello?” But not before my 2nd step-dad answered at the same time. Then I hung up. My Mom came in the bedroom and told me to quit playing with the phone.

“I should die. Then she’d feel bad about telling me not to play with the phone!” Next thing I know…

When my Mom woke me up from a drunken stupor and asked me what that stuff was on the bathroom floor was the next morning, I was so drunk still that I really thought it was Coke Slushee so I told her, “Coke Slushee.” She told me, “Well get it cleaned up before I get home from work.” I passed back out.

When I woke up 8 hours or so later, I’d forgotten all about it until I had to go to the bathroom whereupon I would remember my Mom waking me up and showing me and telling me to clean it up. Because I was always the drunk one, it made sense I would have “made the mess” and therefore would have to clean it up. But my sister had problems keeping her butthole in check when she drank…so theoretically the chances are higher than average it was hers because on that particular night we’d both been out to a party. But there again, there is the theory that the reason I didn’t die that night is that by some miraculous event that did not leave my clothes soiled, or my feet for that matter…perhaps…perhaps it was my own expulsions.

I still don’t know whose it was or where it came from but two things are certain: It was not Coke Slushee [or Coke Slurpee] and cleaning it up was seriously nasty. For the record, I still do not know why I said, “Coke Slushee” or “Coke Slurpee” because to this day I have NEVER EVER had such a thing.

#7. I vomited beside myself in front of the entire line.

I was escorted outside from the underage club I hung out at because the rule was no drinking. They did not sell alcohol and if they thought you were drunk they would escort you outside and usually kick you out altogether. But I was a regular so I was “invited” to get some fresh air for a while.

It seemed like a good idea with my mini-skirt on to just go ahead and sit on the sidewalk up against the building. The line was maybe 15 people out and it did not occur to me to be embarrassed as I thought it might be a good idea to lay down on the sidewalk and have a little nap.

When I woke up from my little nap, the line had gotten much longer and so I thought it best if I tried to look like I knew what I was doing as I was sitting on the concrete up against the building. So there I am sitting up against the building and smiling up at the people who were looking at me and trying to look as sophisticated and together as I could look when…oh no…here it comes… I turned my head and yakked all beside the right side of myself onto the concrete.

I felt so much better. Like I said, it did not occur to me to feel embarrassed.

Public Service Announcement

 Kids Have Alcoholism too

Read the illustrated pamphlet entitled Too Young. It's a pdf. New Window.

But if you do think you may have a drinking problem, you are not alone – even if you’re a kid. You don’t have to be 30, 40, or 50 to be an alcoholic. You can be 13 – like I was. You can be full on into fatal alcoholic progression by 14 – like I was. You are not alone. There is help available.

You are never too young to be an alcoholic. Here are some signs that had I known about at 13, 14, 15, it may not have taken me as low as I did eventually go.

If you drink and you crave more… If, when you drink, you cannot just stop; meaning that to stop would cause distress… If you can stop drinking alcohol anytime you want to (and never seem to want to)… If you engage in regrettable behaviors when you drink… If you would make different decisions while sober… If you sometimes stop drinking following an episode of something you regret just to see if you can but then start cycling again later… If it confounds you to see a person finish their drink while alcohol is still in it… you might be an awesome candidate for alcoholism.

Do you know that there is an entire movement of young people in the alcoholic recovery community? Yep. Young people. Whether 15, 20, 25 or even 30…it’s a part of Alcoholics Anonymous especially congregated so young people can not feel alone; so young people can get and stay sober. [Young People and A.A.]

If you’re a kid, a minor, or a young person who thinks she may have a drinking problem, or you think you may know a young person who has a drinking problem, I have resources that may be able to help:

For Family and Friends…

Since I’ve been sober, things like this don’t happen anymore.

Thanks for reading & take care of yourself.



  • Theresa said:


    I think you took an idea and RAN with it. It seems that your sharing will reach out to many that would do well to listen to your words. I myself am lucky that the only thing I’ve ever allowed myself to be addicted to is cigarettes. Somehow, some way, I managed to keep myself from other addictions, including alcohol, despite playing in a band for 25 years of my life.

    I had no idea what a meme was, and had never done one before this. There is definitely value here!

  • samsara (author) said:

    Theresa, I can see the value now but it took my despising memes to become defiant and therefore creative. I only did it cause I love you. {{Theresa}}

    I think my detesting memes comes from 1998 belonging to AOL and the whole a/s/l nightmare. It’s certainly not personal to any one meme or person or viral movement. Well, maybe that too. :)

    I guess I’ve never truly seen the point of a “blog” proper. “Here’s what I did today…” because I wonder who would care what I did so by extension, memes.

    “7 things about me.”

    1. I paint my fingernails
    2. I sleep only 4 hours a day but 4 hours at night!
    — 2a. My biorhthyms cause distress with my beloved!
    — 2b. Have been an insomniac since age 7.
    3. I have Epstein-Barr and ADD! [A hyper sleepy person! Bonus!]
    — 3a. I take no medication for anything! Yeah I rock natural!
    4. I have natural dirty blonde hair but “I’m worth it!” so… ;)
    5. I have a triangle in my left eye.
    6. My mom is my hero and so is my Mimi.
    7. I greatly love every dad I have ever had.


    I think I just bored myself silly.

  • Theresa said:

    Hugs back, Samsara…

    I’ll match you…

    1. I clip my fingernails pretty short. Can’t have them long if you play guitar, even though I haven’t had one out of its case in ages.
    2. I don’t do well in the sleep dept either. Stay up late, wake up early (thanks to the animals) and nap.
    3. I’ve been single a long time. LONG time. When I had my son 22 years ago, I decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to drag home the trash I seem to attract.
    4. My hair is a lot gray right now, which does nothing for my self-esteem, so I dye it some brown color that looks like what I vaguely remember mine looked like naturally.
    5. I’m Polish.
    6. Once I call someone “friend” it’s for life.
    7. My path is Agni Yoga.

    I don’t think any of it is without value. You could do this all day and still never repeat yourself. There’s a lot to a person, and all of it is worth knowing.

  • BillyWarhol said:

    I arrived here after seeing yer response on Underage Drinking at BS Awards* I won’t repeat my whole Education is the Best tool for Teaching Kids + Adults to Drink Responsibly*

    But I will share one of my (many) Boogie Til Ya PUKE! stories from High Skool*

    A bunch of us all hung around + Drank Beer + Smoked Pot on the weekends + it was FUN!! Many went on to be Doctors + Lawyers + RCMP Cops + other “Responsible Upstanding Members of Society” (except ME!! Kidding – sorta) ;))

    One time we were heading up to Toronto by Train to see Crosby Stills Nash + Young & The Band!! Kinda Canada’s Woodstock back in 1972 – we were 16*

    Well we got on the Train + immediately hit the Bar Car + Drank!! We met these Ladies from Detroit who were with the Budding Rose Club (kinda forerunner to the Red Hat Purple Ladies Society!!) atanyrate we got Buying them Rusty Nails which is Scotch + Drambuie!! Naturally we were trying to Impress them with our Drinking Prowess + regaling them with our Stoned n Drunken Debauchery + we Succeeded in Spades!!

    When the Train finally pulled into Union Station they basically poured me off the Train + my First Duty was to Fall Drunk as a Skunk into the Gutter on Front Street + PUKE my frigging Guts out!! Oh god was I ever sick – oh Yuck – I will NEVER Drink Drambuie again + even Fine Double of Single Malt Lagavulin or Glenmorangie Scotch Whisky @ $16 Bucks a Shot do not sit well with my Tummy*

    Atanyrate after a Long Night of Barfing my Guts out we woke up Smoked a coupla Joints + Drank a Few Beers got some Fried Bacon n Eggs into us + went + saw an amazing Concert*

    I ferget what the Moral of this Story was???………….

  • john b said:

    I think you have put together a good public service announcement. I think many of us have similar stories. Mine would be from my teen years into my my early twenties. I can relate to most of your episodes with the exception of the rehab, never did rehab. Maybe should have, just never did! :) I just sorta snapped out of it one day and I only drink occasionally these days. Good post!

  • Gary R. Hess said:

    That is just about the craziest crap I have ever read. At least you will be able to tell your kids that you have been there, done that and you will know all their moves, right? ;)

  • Bradley said:

    Sounds pretty much like me. I’m glad you sobered up. I don’t know how you did it, but I kept having to “come back”.

    Blessed Be

  • Dollar Dude said:

    You were a real naughty teen unlike others. Hope you have understand the ill-effects of alcohol at least now…:)

  • Janet said:

    You have been given the Brilliante Weblog Award. You can read more about it at

    Congratulations and enjoy your well deserved fame, (there is no obligation attached to this award)

  • Susan said:

    There is an award waiting for you at my blog. I read your blog regularly and enjoy it. So I decided to pass along an award.

    With aloha and a big smile,

  • BillyWarhol said:

    Hey i haven’t seen U in awhile reading a lot of stories of Taser incidents in Canada One on a Girl in a Cell that in my mind was Sex Abuse + another killed a 15 year old Kid who was 5’4″ – total Police Brutality

  • mon said:

    Wow, its amazing to think that you have turned your life around after all of that, and then some! What a great feeling! Hats off!

    I stole 1 cigarette out of my moms unopened pack, and put it all back together, and taped the celophane back thinking she would think she bought them that way. huh..the factory must’ve shorted me one. lol. the things that make sense when you are young.

  • BillyWarhol said:

    Yeah I’ve heard of taking the Summer Off like all French + Italians + Europeans do but this is ridiculous!!

    Did U Win the Lottery + ferget to tell me*

    Yeah I Hope yer OK too* ;)) Peace*

  • samsara (author) said:

    It is nice to have people “worry” about me. :) Yeah taking the summer off….enjoying the new pool and I guess just taking a much needed break. I think I may be beginning to get back in the swing of things. Hope you two are doing well and Mon, as always – it’s a pleasure to see you dear.

    PS. Billy – if I won the lottery I would tell ya! ;) Hell, I’d probably split the winnings with ya.

  • samsara (author) said:

    Oh god. Sept 11. I just noticed.

    Hey …while I am reminiscing over fatalities, a really good movie I watched tonight was “The Life Before her Eyes” with Rachel Evan Wood and Uma Thurman. [Big fatality in that.] If you like poignant, mental, reflective dramas…this was very well made. And of course the acting was superb. Uma and Ms Wood BOTH very nice.

  • BillyWarhol said:

    Well thank Heavens!

    Sometimes it’s Nice to take a Break + come back at it Fresh*

    Plus I think must Peeps feel that Fall Itch of wanting to tackle New Projects + Stuff*

    I’ll have to look dat Movie up on – I hadn’t heard of it*

    ;)) Peace*

    p.s. I’m really getting concerned about yer Election down there – I’ll be relieved when it’s over + I’m really pulling for Barack Obama*

    This short Matt Damon vid is worth watching*

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