Engaging in Risky Sexual Behavior

Submitted by on Wednesday, June 27, 2012No Comments

Risky Sexual Behavior

Any parent who finds herself or himself driven insane or angry or sad due to their child engaging in risky sexual behavior might appreciate an opportunity to look at it a little differently. So watch this video if your child is “engaging in risky sexual behavior.” And I use quotes because I have heard that term ad infinitum and still do not know what it means in this culture.

Risky Sexual Behavior

What Does it Mean?

Risky sexual behavior sounds to me like, “Having sex without protection.” Or maybe even, “Having LOTS of sex with different people without using a condom.” But I do not think that when people are talking about their children engaging in ‘risky sexual behavior’ they are primarily concerned with protection or safety. I do boldly proclaim that I think it’s simply disdain being covered up by a pseudo-righteous expression of loving concern. I think it’s a catch-all phrase to express any displeasure for whatever is going on in your child’s sex life that one does not approve of; An illusory statement that means: “My kid is having sex. She is being a slut. But I will call it ‘Risky Sexual Behavior’ because it is risky for me when I think about her promiscuity.” Or could it be, “My child is having the dangerous kind of sex I wish she wasn’t having at all so I’ll call it ‘Risky Sexual Behavior’?”

Mothers Concerned for their Daughters Sex Life

Valid Concern or Veiled Shaming?

Sex and its baggage onto children or kids does often seem to be directed from mothers to daughters, doesn’t it? I’ve never seen Dad come on a talk show and discuss his son’s preponderance for ‘Risky Sexual Behavior.’ Maybe Dad is proud his son is getting his sex on, while the little girl is, you know, ‘supposed’ to be pure and ladylike. I maintain it’s a culture issue and could be intertwined with Biblical mythology, sexism, and gender bias. But that’s not the point. The point is just to look at it for what it is. And in this video, in keeping with this tradition, Mother is, of course, concerned that her Daughter is doing that ‘risky sexual behavior’ thing. And this leads me to one of my stories.

Shamed to Death by Oral Sex

Back when I was getting my drunk on, I met an older woman who got her drunk on too. She lived across the street from me where we’d sometimes get our drunk on together. I got on well with her 14 year old daughter. She was a precious & beautiful but extremely shy and soft-spoken teenager who I sensed had some deep insecurity. My excuse in offering to tutor her for Algebra was just an excuse to befriend her. One day her Mother called while she was over and said, “Send _______ home. She is in trouble.”

Risky Sexual Behavior - Mother Addresses Low Self Esteem with AbuseSo that night or the next night I went over and we engaged in our regular loose lips talking over alcohol when she casually says, “So I beat her ass with the belt for sucking some guys dick. Fucking slut.” I was like, “Wait. What?” The story was that the girl was barely through her front door when her mother began belting her across the legs, bottom and back. “That little whore sucked some guys dick!” she kept saying. Almost as if waiting for me to agree that yes, her daughter was indeed a promiscuous whore? I could care less about what her daughter was doing with her mouth except as it related to her own self-esteem and physical health; I was much more concerned of this alleged tale of physical abuse in response to the alleged sex act.

Later, the daughter would confirm the beating, except that her mother was also yelling “Whore” and “stupid slut” and “fucking bitch” as she was doing it.

When the daughter, red-faced and crying was telling me the story of that evening, she told me that her getting belted and verbally abused was her normal. And after she was forbidden to see me, she snuck me a letter referencing and detailing how she felt living at home; that she thought of suicide and what was wrong with her? She referenced feeling like “A Child Called It” and the fact this young, beautiful, smart and sensitive girl even knew that such a book existed, told me how far down in the gutter of hell she felt.

I did a couple of things in response to that that I do not want to get into here. But to assuage any concern to those sensitive souls who may be reading this, I will say that in only a couple of weeks, the young girl went live with her father, his wife, and their children many states away. Though the relationship between her mother and I ended, I did ask her step-father how she was doing when I saw him some months later. I am pretty sure she’s turning out just fine. :)

And that is the story I remember when I hear Mother’s talking about Daughters’ “Risky Sexual Behavior.” I see shame, blame, and abuse.

You Will Hate this Video’s Message

  1. …if you are still enjoying judging your child.
  2. …if you know what is best for another human being.
  3. …if you enjoy being attached to your painful thoughts.
  4. …if you’re motivated by ‘anger at’ instead of ‘compassion with.’

You Will Love this Video’s Message

  1. …if you are scared for your child’s ultimate well-being.
  2. …if you are open to not knowing what is best for another person.
  3. …if you would enjoy not being attached to your painful thoughts.
  4. …if you’re motivated by ‘compassion with’ instead of ‘anger at.’

I hope you love it. I do.

 

 

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