Facebook and the Death of Me
I don’t even know what to file this under. I imagine it could serve as a Dharma, HSP, and Spirit topic because I’m receiving a lesson that was brought about my HSP characteristics that have allowed greater awareness of my Self and God consciousness in a spiritual sense.
It could probably be, in an earth walking sense, also an example of Codependent Recovery because I think that within the collective, mostly everything is about other-people-pleasing/controlling in place of self/sanity/spirit. But this is an HSP issue at work and my Self-Awareness and Spiritual Nourishment is at levels I’ve not experienced in a very long time so I’m keeping it simple. And also, quite frankly, to relegate this experience into “recovery” is a little bit skeevy feeling unless one is speaking of the Human Condition Recovery perhaps.
Initial Appeal of the Facebook
Facebook was where I liked to hang out when online. Facebook is where I would share and enjoy moments with childhood friends I’d not seen in a while, school friends, current friends, and friends I’d met and known online. I adopted it as a ‘home’ and a 24 hour social club. If you see [or saw] the appeal of Facebook then you may know what I mean.
It appealed to my gaming phase. It appealed to night owl phase. It appealed to the fun showy ego of all things initially fanciful and carefree. “OH look! My childhood bully wants to see my photos on Facebook!” [Let’s see…where is that block link…] Yeah. Facebook was a game and I liked to play it.
Evolution of Facebook into Fakebook
A few years ago, due to Facebook’s encroaching lack of privacy, larger images and a real time feed all continuing to assault the Senses of myself, is when I deleted my first account. This was the era in which Facebook thought it wise to post on your [then-called] wall whose Facebook wall you’d just posted to with the rationalization being that THEIR wall was “open.”
Even not so long ago, involuntarily showing your Open Groups on your timeline and suggesting Closed Groups to you because you have friends in them, felt oh so very wrong.
- “No, Facebook. I do not care that Frank is in the Closed ‘Impotence Support Group’ and no I do not want to join.”
- “Oh look. Ann is in an Open Group and just announced she’ll be out of town all weekend.”
- “Oh hey! Mom’s PUBLIC Facebook status detailing her whereabouts.”
And so that when you want to leave Facebook, it throws up avatars of people in your Friends List and Facebook says, “Your Friends will miss you!” [No they won’t.] Even calling it your “Friends” List gives the sense of a connectedness that people may be longing for. And according to “Unhappy with your life? Spend less time on Facebook,”
The more lonely people felt at one point, the more they used Facebook over time. However, when the researchers controlled for this, Facebook use continued to predict declines in well-being.
And I have my own theories on the WHY of this phenomena because I experienced it.
And this is why I deleted myself from the Fakebook.
Facebook is White Noise
There is SO much bombardment of information on Facebook, which is of course the appeal of it for me; At least initially.
But noticing that my Mind was actively searching for _something_ I could not put into words while on the Facebook, I did begin noticing very strong feelings in the days – during the time I spent on Facebook – leading up to my decision.
- I noticed feeling lonely, depressed, and disconnected while on Facebook.
- I began noticing “connections” who in many of their posts reveal contrary natures.
- I began noticing not so many “lightworkers” being active.
- I noticed Pages being ANTI this and ANTI that.
- I noticed other HSP friends leaving Facebook in droves during the past few months.
Why does my body continue to sit down and look for the unnameable fulfillment when it’s not here? Has it ever been here? “Of course not,” I answer myself. But the Facebook is a Mind and Sensing activity that has a very good chance of keeping that Ego Mind activated. So, the search is provoked, the search remains.
Facebook “Friends.” Really?
I am not saying Facebook intends to be psychologically devious. Not at all. But I AM saying that within the collective, the term “friend” means something. And because Facebook actually distinguishes “Friend” from “Acquaintance” in their pre-spun categorical Lists, they too acknowledge a difference; They do not call the pre-spun list “Public Sharing” but “Acquaintance.” [“Acquaintances” will see nothing except Public Posts of yours if I remember that part correctly.]
Psychologically, if we see or hear a word often enough in association, we develop subconscious expectations of what that word means in context of our lives. All the worse if you spend most of your free time in the playground of that association and yet the association is against previously inculcated expectations or understanding. And this is not wrong or bad; It’s just how the Mind survives and keeps us alive. What IS wrong or bad is that shady dark side of the world that takes advantage of the unaware Mind. Again, I am not saying Facebook is deliberate in this for I have no idea. But in everyday vernacular we might call seedier institutions who intentionally employ these methods, brainwashing, cult-like, mass hypnosis or hysteria.
Pretend we’re glimpsing someone’s painful Story: I say “I love you” and yet beat you nightly. The next morning you get flowers, an apology, and another “I love you.” You begin to equivocate Love with Pain. Rationally, you know the beating is not love in action. Rationally, you know that it’s not your fault and that I am the one who is sick. Rationally and logically and everything that you are, you are aware that Love is NOT pain. But Particular Minds – and especially the folks who Live and Abide in Mind – form associations anyway.
Friends Who Happen to be on Facebook
This is not to say I do not have REAL friends and REAL connections on Facebook. Of course I do. But of whatever number of “Friends List” friends I have – including “real life” friends, family, and online friends I’ve known for years, 0.003% or – to read another way – about 3 out of 1000 “Facebook Friends” reached out or contacted me to see where I went (6 days ago). To be fair, not all “Friends List” people have my phone number, email, or know my closer associates or family in order to send a carrier pigeon. Of that 3 out of 1000 people, none were family, two are best friends.
Why it’s Fakebook
Because it’s harmless ego fun until I start depending on it to validate this freaking ego. [“No Likes Up yet? It’s been a whole hour.”] Because during my time on there I’m not creating, doing, OR being; I’m increasingly Egoing. [“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve read today.”] Because I’m witnessing less-than-authentic egos [ie “Superegos”] seeking validation from other egos, belittling more authentic egos, or battling other Superegos. [And I love to validate people but I cannot offer positive reinforcement of narcissism, egocentrism or fakery when it coming into my feed is disheartening enough.]
I wrote a post elsewhere called, “Nobody Cares About Me,” and in it I detailed the above pretty well I think.:
But then there are the words and images in my feed that bombard my senses with the red hot screams so fast and so furiously to the extent I can’t even untangle and I don’t want to. [Hint: Ego enforcement, pretense, self-deception, perpetuating illusions…]
And I walk away feeling more depressed in that FakeBook world than before sitting down in mine. Made worse for me when I go onto Facebook for entertainment or to connect with some friends and I see little more than a continuous stream of whatever is triggering off my senses that day; Pill induced butterflies and cupcakes, hatred for this group or that group, oversharing for attention, complaints on how other people need to change or believe this or that, things wrong with the world ALL THE TIME, ad nauseum.
So Yeah. Fakebook Murdered Me.
I (operating from Mind and getting caught up in it forgetting myself) needed to be murdered. Reborn, I am back home to the spaciousness of myself. And this isn’t to say I won’t go back to the Fakebook once I have learned or done what it is my “HSP Heart/Senses/Mind” is telling me I have to learn or do. And I may still die yet again.
And again it will be sweet.