Releasing the Dream

Submitted by on Saturday, August 6, 2005One Comment
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yin yang - it's about balanceWhatever is not yours, abandon it. When you have abandoned it, that will lead to your welfare and happinesss. -Buddha, “Connected Discourses of the Buddha”

In my past I was all too ready to [enter Dr. Phil language] “own stuff that wasn’t mine to own.” Small examples as such would be to want to own my best friend’s time, own my mother’s full attention, own someone’s anger, own someone’s feeling bad, own my inadequacy that you thought I had, etc… The same can be said for the physical tangibles: Feeling as if I had to own that necklace, that perfume, those designer jeans, nevermind I wouldn’t go get a job.

Detachment. As most of us close to Buddhist Philosophy understand, detachment is the secret to happiness and serenity. It is not a concept for the faint of heart because it means detachment of all things, people, concepts, ideas. Not to get it twisted – as Pam would say – but an *ultimate detachment* versus the nonchalance devil-may-care and to-hell-with-you-attitude I see that some people could misconstrue from.

It means not letting my little Buddha within become dependent upon the external mitote. I don’t know about anyone else but my life can change in a second, with a heartbeat, a phone call, a test result. If I’m the metaphorical wave and not the ocean [waving to “C” now, over our long discussions over my wave status from months prior] I may just fall the hell apart.

Speaking of my wave status, good example. I’ve had some really severe changes occurring in my life recently. Let me try to keep the list down to the bare bones: I’m working – which I have never done – for another company out in the working world, I am detaching from a man I’ve been with for 7 years, and in the middle of a hellacious divorce from this same man, I am not with my dog and cats that I have been with for over 9 years, I am adjusting to having fallen in love, adjusting to his divorce and trying to not attach to that, and trying to deal with his daughter being 2 [read: wide open and I am of HSP demeanor] from his prior relationship. Now pretty much, I have felt like a wave as opposed to the ocean in that *who I am* hasn’t been still long enough for me to get back to my ocean status. Who I am has been blown about by every little wind it feels like and it’s not so fun.

Today I am back to the ocean. I still have my waves but I am not characterized or defined by them as I was a few months ago. I got back to balance or rather, I am getting back to balance. I find myself being met with controversy within my own spirit due to the understanding that I am NOT the Buddha or even barely a Buddha at all…but am a baby Buddha which means I fall short and suffer quite a bit.

Today I want to practice mindfulness in abandoning what is not mine. Today I hope to able to be mindful of what is mine to own. Everything else I want to be able to release back to the world and let the world have it. I want to be able to practice this today.

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One Comment »

  • Anonymous said:

    You are HOTTT! and i love you like a mad-man!!!!

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